I saw his package. It spoke to me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
