Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
