So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
