Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
