Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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