dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
