Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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