i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
