Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
