Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
vagina is talking i cant
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
