I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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