Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
