i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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