careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
did you just send me my own nude
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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