Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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