Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
