Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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