dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
