I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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