Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
is it fun? or sober?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
