i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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