I could make wine with my vomit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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