You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
