uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
