I could have mohawked her pubes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
