last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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