The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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