There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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