Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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