I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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