did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
