too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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