Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
