3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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