Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
