Cold hands, warm shart.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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