I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
