Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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