I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
