I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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