Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
