love makes seman taste better
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
