butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
