I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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