At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
