you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
