So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
