Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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