Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
