another moral hangover. fuck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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