can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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