3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
