what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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