Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
