i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
